At 4o I made a bucket list 101 things to do before I drop dead or go insane. The plan worked well for a whole I even lost 100 lbs .At 42 some days I couldn't even function ,but kept trying to do the bucket list. Dec 23 2002 I call this the Merry bleep bleep Christmas, got a name for what I have N with C sudden drop attacks ,memory loss. No fixing it ,just help. Sleep study test so bad could be in a wheel chair in 1 to 2 years . I became a candidate a for Trail study Xyrem. At the end of the first 6 months , my dr and I new I realized that I was one of the patient that received the fake drug ,my condition got worse.You see I made to the wheel Chair a few times during that 6 months, each time after a few hours I refused to stay in it. Out of the wheel chair shaking and half falling I crawled down the hospital for floor ,it took awhile to get to my destination.I didn't even care who saw me I was determined never to be in that wheel care until I was grey and old ,like 105. For a while things in my life needed to be adjusted.The hardest part being the one in the family everyone relied on.My family found it hard to realize I need to say no when I should be resting.There adjustment more difficult than My own. The issue was my body was giving out in other ways and at 46 I seemed to have had a lot of @ parts removed, my children now take care of me at times , but still walking a blessing .Still trying to do bucketlist showing my children ,that life still moves on and enjoy it as each day comes. Started to design again ,costumes for a theatre company ,being around your adults helped a lot. They also recognized after awhile when a sleep attack or a catalpexy was on its way before I did . No worries they would say will just pick you up and dust you off, and they did. The thing that might have done me in that year was all in one week My husband and I separated ,found out I Have more tumor 3 days later my mother past away suddenly.I thought that I wasn't the type of person to have a nervouse breakdown ,but I did .This took awhile to see any silver lining ,so the bucket list got put away.The cancer battle was long and at 49 more tumor s And more cancer. We were 5 years old when we met and that year she also was diagnosid with cancer. This however gave us the courage to battle together. The year 2011 Thank God no sign of cancer for me gone ,but for my friend the battle end with her passing in. 2013 .I am 54 years old this year ,most of th100 lbs is still off my body. Christmas is great myoldest daughter takes care of this now ,we have added a few more people to our family ,a grad daughter and one more arriving in Jan 2014, 2 son in-laws ,one daughter in-law,and and can adopted daughter for me. Getting a fake drug on the Drug Trail Study, was a bellsing it gave even more determination ,xyrem has become a blessing. My children were diagnosed with a different disease, my life has made them stronger as adults and able to cope very well with their diagnosis ,as they put it I can Handel it because it was easier than being a N with C. My oldest daughter told one of her friends to stop complaining, take a look at mother .She gets out of bed each day and lives her life to the best of her ability. I have discovered ,that people may not understand what's wrong ,but they will care of you care about them.My husband and I Live together now . It's not perfect, but a work in progress.I will always remember my mother accepting sport that not matter what it is all good and life goes on.Every once in a while I meet a young person ,who is hurting. I tell them It's OK! Lots of people have a nevouse breakdown and that I had one. Its OK it will can make you stronger if you get help.I have won my battle with cancer and have been cancer free since 2011. My friend Eunice's daughter now has been adopted into hour family.The best thing this summer was I took out my bucket list and renamed it my not so bucket list ,bucket list. I managed to cross of 4 more on the list . Next weekend go on a sail boat will be crossed off soon . After, that find a hot air balloon to try .This may take sometime got to find a hot air balloon. My 105 year old grand mother always said never ever give up she never did .She lived at home walked here dog 5 times a day,shopped for her own groceries with here debit card ,cooked here own meals.,up until 2 weeks ago.She deceived she was lonely and went to a old folks home. They tried to give a wheel chair ,she said I don't need that I am 105 ,but I still walk. I went to visit her yesterday, she was playing the panio and singing Happy Birthday to one of the residents. She is happy.